his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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