This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
