I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
PANTIES FOUND
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
