found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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