in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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