just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
