I want to walk on stilts...naked
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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