my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
