life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
