you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
