I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
