discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
