Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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