WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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