i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
