Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
