hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I am one with the molecules
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
