I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
