This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
