I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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