I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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