just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
