just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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