just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
