Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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