why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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