I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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