i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
