Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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