I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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