you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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