I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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