life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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