Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize