omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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