she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
