Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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