On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
vagina is talking i cant
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
