I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
