i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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