the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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