if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Do vagina's smell?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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