i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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