went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
