I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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