but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
