Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize