look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
