i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I touched a dick in church today
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
