Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize