Your tits are I can't wait for
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
