Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
