You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just found puke in my bra..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
