Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Say something about gay babies.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
