I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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