i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
