sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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