I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
