Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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