Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
