weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
