Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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