Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
