My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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