I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
