Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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