You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
