I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
