i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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